Twisted Memories
by Elizabeth Valentine
Summary: Yohji descends into a darkness from which he can never return. Farfarello tries to stop him. Angst, death and yaoi abound. YS, YxF, RxB, NO, KA
1. Pretty Kitty

**A/N:** Yo, I'm back. The bunnies returned from vacation full force and this is one of three ideas that suddenly hit me one day when talking over MSN. The others will be on adultfanfiction.net and my web site and my group and wherever I decide to post them because they are, most definitely, adult. 

I suppose I should really be writing the final chapter of Harry Potter and the Unexpected Pregnancy, but I'm not in the right mood and I want it to be good, so forgive me, k? 

This is AU, sort of. It kinda doesn't happen anywhere, so just stick it wherever you want it in the Weiss Kreuz timeline. Taketori is dead and Weiss has disbanded. Tot is also dead, or gone, or something. I just don't like her. I'll write a death fic some time or something. 

Anyways, Aya in this is Aya-chan, and Ran is, obviously, Aya-kun. Confused? Good! 

**WARNINGS:** Death, depression, yaoi (m/m), insane Irishmen, Neko (the authoress) 

**PAIRINGS:** Yohji + Schuldig, Yohji x Farfarello, Ran x Crawford, Omi + Nagi, Ken + Aya-chan 

~*~

**Twisted Melodies **

By Neko Malik (aka Berserker Farfarello) 

**Chapter 1** - Pretty Kitty 

"We are gathered here today to witness the joining of Hidaka Ken and Fujimiya Aya in holy matrimony." I can barely watch. I can already feel the beginnings of tears forming behind my eyes at the sight of two of my friends so happy. Aya-chan looks lovely in her beautiful, white dress; a vision of beauty, smiling happily at her husband-to-be, and my best friend, Ken. I always thought I knew Ken the best, we were so alike in so many ways, so it was a real surprise when he turned around and asked Aya-chan out. I don't think any of us had been expecting it, and Ran nearly hit the roof when she said yes. We had to physically restrain him while Ken and Aya-chan made a hasty exit before he could kill them both. I don't think I've ever seen him so angry. Though, that could be because he never found out that she had been seeing Naoe Nagi, of Schwarz, before hand. I don't think any of us would be alive now if he had. 

"...kiss the bride." My head snapped up, and I realised that I had zoned out again. I was doing that a lot lately. Anyone would think that I was jealous. I suppose, in a way, that I am. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for Ken and Aya-chan, I really am. I don't want her for myself, or him, for that matter. It's more that I'm jealous of what they have, being together. Together they have something that I have never had, will never have. Together, they have happiness. 

I suppose I should really start at the beginning, 'back where it all began', how cliché. Though, now that I think about it, I don't really know when it really began, so perhaps it's not all that cliché after all. I have been lusting after the Schwarz redhead for too long for me to remember when exactly it began. It wasn't when we first met, glaring at each other across the battlefield, though not yet riding into battle. Another cliché. We have been compared to 'the cavalry' enough times, normally by some American who doesn't know what the hell he's talking about and no, I don't mean Crawford. Smug bastard, sitting four rows in front of me in the church. He knows I'm watching him, I can see the slight turn of his head as he tries to see me out of the corner of his eye without drawing attention to himself. He can't do it, so he gives up. There are some bonuses to being a trained assassin; being able to hide in the most conspicuous of places, including the back row of a church. 

The only reason Crawford is here is because he's Aya's...no, sorry, Ran's 'date'. I still make the mistake sometimes of calling him Aya, but I'm the only one who does. It's embarrassing at the best of times. It was another shock to the system when we discovered that Ran and Crawford were 'fucking'. I don't think they were in love, I still don't think that they are in love, it's just lust. But then, who am I to deny Ran any happiness he can get? It was really only Ken who reacted to the announcement. Omi just smiled knowingly and I was too far-gone in my depression to care. Ken went on and on at Ran about 'sleeping with the enemy', and Ran just took it. He's a much stronger person than I am, than I ever was. He continues to let Crawford fuck him on a regular basis, and I think he's beginning to get used to the pain. 

Everyone begins to file out of the church after the bride and groom, passing me by, ignoring me. I can't really blame them; I barely know them any more. I only came because it was my duty as a friend to do so. But now it's over. This wedding was the only thing keeping me going, keeping me alive, and now it's over. Now what? I am still contemplating the future as I feel a presence next to me. I don't bother to move, don't bother to turn and look. Whoever it is will leave if I don't respond, right? Wrong. I feel them sit down on my left and a callused hand roughly grab my chin, pulling my face around to stare into a single, amber orb floating in a sea of pale perfection. Farfarello. 

I was surprised, to say the least. Farfarello, the hater of all things to do with god, was sitting next to me in a church. It wouldn't have surprised me if he had done it on a park bench or even in the Koneko, but not here. Not in a house of god, or whatever Christians call it. I Don't think he was expecting a response from me, he never got one before, why start now? He definitely wasn't expecting me to burst into tears and latch onto him as though my life depended on it. And, perhaps, it did. 

"Hush hush, little kitten. No more crying. Crying makes pretty kitty all red." 

I don't know why, but Farfarello had taken to calling me 'pretty kitty' recently. He had also taken to speaking to me as though I was a child. I didn't mind though; at least he cared, which was more than I could say for the others. I got nothing from them, nothing! Not a 'what's wrong?' or a 'are you alright?', no. No one cares about poor, suicidal Yohji. Nobody, except an insane Irishman. Funny how the world works, huh? 

~*~

**A/N:** So, what ya think?? The first chapter of my first ever Weiss Kreuz fic. Questions? Comments?? Suggestions??? Oh, and dun worry; Yohji's depression will all be explained in the next chapter. I just felt that this was a good place to stop. Ja ne, for now! 


	2. Shattered Glass

**A/N:** Hey again. I was planning on writing this about three days ago, but I just haven't had time. That, and the fact that I've been in a relatively good mood recently. Right now, I'm in a very VERY bad mood. I feel hurt and betrayed, ergo I write. I hope that the one who has betrayed me feels sufficiently guilty, though I doubt very much that she does. I suppose ignorance really is bliss, after all. 

Thanks to the five who reviewed, I really appreciate it. 

In Japan, they drive on the left, like here in England. I am assuming that their car is Japanese, ergo it will have the drivers' side on the right of the car, not the left like in America. Just thought you ought to know. 

**WARNINGS:** Death, depression, **yaoi** (m/m), insane Irishmen, Neko (the authoress) 

**PAIRINGS:** Yohji + Schuldig, Yohji x Farfarello, Ran x Crawford, Omi + Nagi, Ken + Aya-chan 

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Weiss Kreuz or any of the characters mentioned here. If I did, i would actually have enough money to buy the box set 

~*~

**Twisted Melodies **

By Neko Malik (aka Berserker Farfarello) 

**Chapter 2** - Shattered Glass 

Farfarello was relatively silent during the car ride home. I suppose he was as lost in thought as I was, and perhaps on the same subject matter. When Schuldig left, he was hurt almost as badly as I was, perhaps even worse. He rarely shows it though, just the occasional flicker in his eye to inform me of his feelings. I have learned to read his emotions well in the relatively short time we have been together. His mind-frame still evades me though, most of the time. I can tell when he wants to kill me, or someone else, but I never really know why. 

"Why?" It comes out as no more than a choked whisper; though I had meant it to be much stronger. He turns to look at me briefly, not being able to see out of his left eye so having to turn his head all of the way. He barely manages to miss hitting another car, coming in the opposite direction as he quickly looks back at the road. I shouldn't distract him while he's driving. 

"Why what, kitten?" He had waited so long that I hadn't really been expecting an answer and I jumped slightly. His voice was calm and low, not really questioning. He already knew what I was going to ask, anyway. 

"Why did you come to the church? You hate god, why did you come for me there?" The question had been burning in my mind ever since I realised that it was Farfarello standing next to me, and not some random person who I barely knew the name of. 

"Because you needed me." I was somewhat shocked at that. Farfarello thought that I needed him? He was right, of course, but how did he know? "Kitten was sad this morning, because of his _friends_" he practically spat the word, as though it was something foul tasting on his tongue. He looked at me again. "Kitten will do something stupid. I will not let that happen." I could see the passion burning in his eyes as he stared at me. The car was barely moving anymore. I suppose he didn't really want us both dead, since he was determined to keep me alive. 

"I don't...I don't understand. Why would you..." I couldn't finish my sentence as I was pushed against the side window, and my mouth was not my own any more. Farfarello had claimed it as his own, and I let him. There was no reason for me to push him away; I wanted this as much as he did. We both wanted to, _needed_ to forget. His hands travelled up underneath my shirt, ghosting over my sensitised flesh. I can't remember him pulling it out of my trousers, but at that point I really didn't care. Our mouths were still firmly latched together, as though our very lives depended on keeping this one, small contact. My lungs, however, disagreed and were screaming for air. Apparently so were his, as he pulled away slightly, effectively separating us and allowing me to draw in quick, shallow breaths. I could feel the slight flush across my cheeks, though more from arousal than embarrassment. He smiled at me then, a real smile, not one of those he reserves for his victims. I don't think anyone else has ever seen that smile, at least not for a very long time. He is so beautiful when he smiles, but I can't smile back. I rarely smile any more. 

The roar of a motorbike passing close to the right hand side of the car brought us back to reality. We were still sitting in the car, stationary in the middle of the road. Farf got the right idea and decided to pull over. The few cars that were around didn't bother us; it was nearly midnight. He was on me again as soon as we were stationary; touching everywhere, making me feel as though my skin is on fire. I couldn't help but gasp and moan at his gentle caresses, completely lost to everything but the feelings invoked by being so intimately close to another. My shirt was quickly disposed of, as was his. A hot mouth surrounded one of my nipples, and it was at that point that I realised that a car is not the best place to have sex. A sharp crack resounded around the inside of the vehicle as my head made contact with the window. All previous thoughts were lost, once again, to the agonising pounding in my skull. Farfarello stopped, having realised the pain I was in, and held me to his chest, rocking back and forth and mumbling something I couldn't quite make out. 

"M'ok Farf." I don't know if he heard me, but the rocking didn't stop. Oblivion claimed me. 

~*~

**A/N:** It's short. I don't care. Ok, so I didn't explain Yo-tan's depression much, but I will. Next chapter, I promise. 


	3. Healing Time

**A/N:** Sorry this took so long, but I've been busy, ill and in a very good mood. I can't write angsty stuff if I'm in a good mood. There is a mention of Schu in this chapter, but not much, sorry. All will be explained before the end, I can't promise just when though, since my previous promises didn't seem to work much. 

I think I over did the head injury, oh well. I'm gonna re-write this when it's done anyway so I may change that. I think perhaps two, maybe three more chapters left to this one and then a short sequel with Schu in, and a prequel (sp?) if peeps want it? 

No promises when the next chappie will come out (not counting the link), as I seem to be bad at keeping promises at the moment. I started this ages ago an it took P-chan (my beta, better known as Snu) asking me to finish it for me to actually do it. Could be tomorrow, the next day, or some time next year. 

Anyways, that's enough of me rambling for now. Enjoy the chappie. 

**WARNINGS:** Death, depression, **yaoi** (m/m), insane Irishmen, Neko (the authoress) 

**PAIRINGS:** Yohji + Schuldig, Yohji x Farfarello, Ran x Crawford, Omi + Nagi, Ken + Aya-chan 

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Weiss Kreuz or any of the characters mentioned here. If I did, Tot would be dead. 

~*~

**Twisted Melodies **

By Neko Malik (aka Berserker Farfarello) 

**Chapter 3** - Healing Time 

I awoke to the feeling of soft fingers slowly trailing over my face, their slightly calloused pads catching slightly, rough against my skin. I knew that it was Farfarello and almost smiled, turning my head slightly into the touch. The pain was instantaneous and I gasped, my eyes flying open. I made a move to grip my head within my hands, but those strong, gentle fingers had left my face and were holding me down. The pain subsided and I calmed, relaxing into the grip. The curtains were drawn, but what little light there was still made my head hurt to such an extent that I had to squint to see. Black dots floated in and out of my vision, and I decided that it was safer to just keep my eyes closed. I took one last look at Farfarello's worried face and this time I really did smile; he cared so much about me. It was a shame I couldn't feel the same for him. 

"I haven't seen you smile in so long, kitten. You look so pretty when you smile, even better when you laugh. I wish that you would smile more often." The sound of his voice was both soothing and painful at the same time. He must have seen my grimace because he stopped talking and just held me, silently, until I fell asleep. 

~*~

I was alone when I awoke, and my head felt a little better. The sunlight filtering through the gap in the curtains was a deep orange in colour, meaning that it was very late in the day. Glancing at the clock, I could see that I was right; 7:30 at night! I had slept for almost a whole day, or maybe more than a day. I would have to ask Farfarello. 'Speak of the devil' I thought, as the white-haired assassin entered the room again, carrying what appeared to be a glass of murky-looking water. 

"For your headache." He handed me the glass and I downed the lot, grimacing at the foul taste. "Good kitty." Sitting behind me on the bed, Farfarello began to unwrap the bandages that had been wrapped around my head. My eyes widened at the sight of the bloodstained strips when he let them drop beside me; I hadn't realised that I'd been hurt that badly by the impact. "Kitty should be more careful in future. You managed to crack the window, you know. I had to remove the glass." He was inspecting the back of my head now, pressing his fingers gently to the wound. I winced; it hurt like hell. 

Seemingly satisfied with what he saw, Farfarello left to find some more bandages and something to clean the wound. I could feel the tears welling up behind my eyes, but not from the pain. I couldn't understand why he cared so much. Shouldn't he hate me? I mean, I stole Schuldig from him; surely he should want me dead. He doesn't, though, and I must admit that it's nice to have someone care about me for once, perhaps for the first time ever. 

He returns minutes later, my mind is made up. Too long have I pondered over the matter of his true feelings for me; it was time for me to find out. 

"Farf...why don't you hate me?" I can't even look him in the eyes, I feel so weak! 

"Why would I hate you?" Trust him to answer my question with another question, it's just the kind of thing that he does. 

"I...that letter, Schuldig's feelings, surely you must hate me for stealing him away from you?" He raised my chin with one finger, forcing me to look into his eye. 

"I don't hate you. He was never mine to begin with; you always held his heart, ever since the beginning." I was crying again. Farfarello sat beside me again, pulling me into a tight hug. I buried my face into his warm chest, letting the material of his shirt soak up my tears. "He fell in love with you the moment he saw you, though he denied it for the longest time. I could see it, though, see it in his eyes. I wont deny that I didn't want him; I did, but to him I was just the insane one, not even overly good-looking. You were so beautiful, still are." 

"I don't think that you're insane." I found my voice at last, looking up into what would have been bitter eyes, if he had more than one. He laughed at me, softly so as to not hurt my head more. The medication was beginning to work, but I was still somewhat tender. 

"You're the only one, then." There was no humour in his voice and it frightened me; I didn't want to make him angry. 

"I also think that Schu was blind, not to notice you. You're perfect." I don't think that he was expecting that, as his arms tightened around me slightly. I laid my head on his chest again, as he began to stroke my hair, careful to not brush against the sensitive area around the injury. His hands travelled slowly down, rubbing my back gently for a moment before travelling back up to let his nails scratch lightly at the base of my hairline, getting the desired effect as I tried, and failed, to suppress a low moan. 

"I don't want to hurt you." He kissed me then, softly, hesitantly, pulling away after a few mere moments. 

"You wont." I replied, pushing him back slightly and meshing our lips together with such passion that I think he was stunned for a moment, but only a moment, and then he was kissing back with equal fervour. I could feel his clothed arousal pressing into my thigh as I straddled him and ground down, drawing a low moan from his throat as well as my own. "Please" I implored "I need you, please." Farfarello nodded and that was all the incentive I needed. 

~*~

Ok, lemon now. You have to go to my site for this one though, or just skip it if you want. The next chapter will be a link to it, so you'll know when it's written. I would post it here, but I like my account thank you very much and don't want it deleted for one lemon when it can be avoided. 

Ja 

Neko 

O_@ 


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